tugging a rhythm to the vision that's in my head [spent|and|sighing]
mer de noms

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[05 Sep 2006|11:44am]
[ mood | sublimating rage with a cookie ]

I am seriously pissed off. Frustrated.

I received an email from University of Hull today. They can't find my housing contract, and they're contacting me a week before I leave.


And the kicker of it is when I called. I called one of the numbers provided in the student handbook and they had no record of me. They gave me another number to call, which I did, and was immediately transferred to the person who sent me the email ("transferred" is a strong word -- I could hear the man carrying the cordless phone to another office). I told her that I sent the contract back three weeks ago, with four-day priority delivery, and she gave me the "well, I'll have a look around and e-mail you."

NO. Fix this NOW, dammit, because I need somewhere to park my ass when I fly in, exhausted and looking like absolute shit.

Why is this school being so difficult with me? This isn't the first time they've dropped the ball on something of mine, but this is a huge ball to drop. Also knowing that the copy of the contract that they've given me is utterly worthless because they don't have the copy I signed.

Plus knowing that my credit card number is now floating somewhere out there. Feels great.

1 revelation| think of me

Has it really been a month since I last updated? [22 Jun 2006|09:03pm]
This is a rant.

I hate my job.

Two years ago, an employee was ranked by their idle time (namely, two fifteen-minute breaks and ten minutes "personal" time) and their ESQi (a phone survey regarding customer service). When I left my job two years ago, I had a 96% ESQi score -- and I'm damn proud of that. Two years ago, if a supervisor took you off the phones for a meeting, it didn't count into idle time.

Now I'm back at the same job, and the system is back-asswards. They've added a new factor called "productivity" (which needs to be at 85% or above to keep your job), and idle time has dropped from 9% to 6% -- meaning the ten minute "personal" time is gone, and I never realized how much I relied on that extra ten minutes until I didn't have it anymore).

This productivity system is bullshit. If I go over my 6% idle time, I have to work overtime to make up for it. If my supervisor calls me into an hour-long meeting, I have to work an hour of overtime to keep my fucking job. Despite the time constraint, I normally wouldn't really mind it, because it's overtime pay.

What's getting me is that I'm getting nothing but abuse at this job. People call, and they bitch about bad customer service they recieved at a local office, or that the prices are too high, et cetera. They yell at me, and management says that I have to sit there and take it. I can't hang up the phone, or I'll get repremanded -- which means a meeting, which means overtime.

Usually, it's managable. There's one "bitching" call to every fifty or sixty "normal" calls. Yesterday, I had a straight hour of "bitching" calls. It's exhausting.

The founder of the company says that once a company takes care of its customers and employees, profits will follow. He believed in this; still does. The company certainly thinks it takes care of its employees -- there are great financial perks. But at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter that they're throwing money at us. There's no communication between supervisor and employee. There's no provided outlet for all this emotional/mental fatigue brought on by these working conditions.

I really don't think this is me simply bitching about a bad job. I really think this is me being an I/O psychologist looking at a system she thinks -- knows? -- will fail.

I would like to speak with my supervisor about this, but to meet with him regarding this means that I'd have to work overtime to make up for it. Meaning I'd subject myself to another hour of bitching. I kind of worry as to what that would mean to me -- I'm already thinking about going down to part time because this job is so mentally exhausting (for the monkey work that it is, surprisingly). I work eight to five, drive home, fall asleep for two hours, eat dinner, do something for two hours, then go to sleep, get up at six thirty and do it all over again.

Someone tell me. Is this system seriously flawed, or am I missing something here? And do I have a leg to stand on, here, as I think I do?
5 revelations| think of me

[30 May 2006|05:40pm]
I am pleased to say that we have asked that a formal offer letter be sent to you
from the Admissions Office.

You will be sent various materials - book lists and so on - over the Summer, but
if there is anything that you need to know, don't hesitate to get in touch.

I am very pleased it has turned out this way and I look forward to meeting you
in a few months time.


...pending, of course, approval of my visa papers and actual purchase of my airline ticket.
7 revelations| think of me

[27 May 2006|03:12pm]
Actual brownie.  This thing is huge


No, I didn't make it. But I sure as shit am going to eat some of it. I'm just not going to be the first person to cut into it.
3 revelations| think of me

Surgery update [16 May 2006|09:11pm]
I have two dry sockets.

For those who don't know, a dry socket refers to when the alveolar bone in the jaw doesn't get to heal properly following surgery. Basically, a blood clot was not able to form to protect the bone.

This means the following:

1) I'm in a world of pain. I have been prescribed more painkillers.
2) Every three days (no, I'm not kidding) I have to go back to the doctor's office so he can shove Alvogyl (a sort of cloth soaked in medicine) into the empty sockets. This is done sans anaesthetics. Meaning it hurts.

And it's going to take about a month for this to all work out.

The result? I'm so incredibly bored. I've watched an entire season of CSI, an entire season of The Muppet Show, stitched most of a belt (and that's quite time consuming), and slept an awful lot. I can't really read, because the medicine won't let me concentrate on the text.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to pass the time? Or if you've been in this situation, suggestions as to how to make the pain go away?
3 revelations| think of me

Meme, because I'm bored. [14 May 2006|10:19pm]
The Rules:

1. You can only say YES or NO!

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments to the entry and asks.

Taken a picture naked? No.

Made out with a member of the same sex? Yes.

Danced in front of your mirror? No.

Told a lie? Yes.

Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes.

Been in a fist fight? Yes...ish.

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes.

Been arrested? No.

Left your house without telling your parents? Yes.

Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes.

Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes.

Seen someone die? No.

Kissed a picture? Yes.

Slept in until 3? Yes.

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes.

Played dress up? Yes.

Fallen asleep at work/school? Oh, yeah.

Felt an earthquake? No.

Touched a snake? Yes.
1 revelation| think of me

[13 May 2006|10:07pm]

Wisdom teeth were successfully removed on Thursday. Apparently evolution is still working, as I only had three wisdom teeth instead of the requisite four.

Two days later, and the left side of my face has seen better days. I look like a deranged chipmunk, only storing nuts in one cheek. I was finally given the okay to shower today, which was fantastic, but I still want to brush my teeth (it's psychological, of course; the rinse is quite sufficient enough to keep bacteria away).

I've worn pajamas for the past two days because I really don't see the point of getting dressed. And sitting on the couch all day gets really boring after the first four hours. Add in the fact that my internet was down yesterday...I've been bored.

I think I did thirty crosswords the first day. This is not an exaggeration.

And there is NO ONE AROUND. Everyone I know is either still in school or out of town. Simply stunning.

I get Percocet (or is it Percoset?) every three or four hours. It's amazing that it doesn't seem to relieve the pain as much, but it does make me feel euphorically high. I'm wondering what the point is, then. Perhaps I should switch painkillers?

Ostensibly, I should be okay by the beginning of next week. I'm going absolutely stir-crazy; I want to get out of this house, even if it's for ten minutes. Just get in the car and drive to Borders and get a coffee or something. But no. Can't drive until I'm off the Percocet.

How habit-forming is Percocet, anyway? I'm taking one every three hours; will I be going through withdrawl symptoms?

God, I'm bored.
6 revelations| think of me

[06 May 2006|05:08pm]
I am now officially a college graduate, with a BA in Psychology and a BA in English (focus on literature).

Fucking GO ME.
10 revelations| think of me

Obligatory Birthday Post [20 Apr 2006|12:48pm]
The big 22.
7 revelations| think of me

[16 Apr 2006|12:23am]
My iPod now has the following video files:

~ Four episodes of House ("Autopsy," "Clueless," "Safe," "All In")
~ Six episodes of Scrubs ("Her Story II," "My Own Personal Hell," "My Missed Perception," "My Way Home," "My NewSuit," and "My Five Stages")

Hear that sound, everyone? That's my class participation score dropping.

I suppose it's a really good thing that I graduate in three weeks. Or I'd probably fail out of college.

That said, can anyone tell me why audiobooks are the most expensive things to download from the iTunes store? We're talking in the neighborhood of at least $20.
5 revelations| think of me

Query [06 Apr 2006|02:09pm]
While looking up from my calculus exam today to stretch my neck, I inadvertantly caught sight of a classmate's paper, who was holding it up rather than keeping it on her desk. As such, I saw the circled answer (multiple choice) to a question I had yet to answer.

I did the calculations anyway, and came up with the same answer, circling it on my paper.

This preempts my major problem.

Upon standing up to gather my coat, bookbag, etc. and turn in my test, I saw two girls blatantly cheating a few rows back. They had a piece of paper between them which was obviously not scratch paper, and were talking to each other, looking at each other's tests.

I said nothing to the teacher. I turned in my exam and left.

My question, therefore, is as follows: is what I did any better than what they were doing? I didn't outright take the student's answer, because I did the calculations on my own, but by seeing her paper, did I validate my own answer, a sort of "double check," as it were? If the calculations were something I knew like the back of my hand, I wouldn't have this problem. But the situation was more, "well, I'm fairly sure this is how you do it..." And if I was validating, is that any less wrong than the two girls who were overtly cheating on the test?

Please post your thoughts on this matter.
6 revelations| think of me

[08 Mar 2006|06:22pm]
I'm feeling the strain, and it's just now barely March.

I have two papers and a midterm due tomorrow -- all before 1:00pm. Then, having made the executive decision to skip both my Calculus and my Social Psychology of Public Opinion class, I get to drive back to St. Louis to have my spring break.

I'm sorry, did I say "spring break?" I meant "spring workload which just happens to be done at home."

My to-do list, with everything due Monday, March 20:

1) K599 midterm: Less daunting than I thought, but still terrifying. Five pages answering one question, drawing in outside research. At least the damn thing is take-home. But graded out of fifteen points, counting for 25% of my grade. I cannot screw this up.

2) K599 Oral Presentation: 40 minutes. I have the research done; I just have to make the slides. THEN I get to start working on the next one. Two presentations: 60% of final grade.

3) Read Sister Carrie for L355: Because the teacher took one day off, we all have to suffer. Instead of dropping this 432-page book, she drops the much-shorter The Rise and Fall of Silas Lapham. It's really not the length I mind, but it's more the principle of the thing. She's assigning work over break, which is technically legal, but there's a tacit rule of "don't fucking do it."

4) Fill out my visa applications for next year.

5) P457 assignment: this shouldn't be too hard. I have to watch an hour's worth of conservative news programming and write a one-page response. That's fine. No problem.

Also added to the spring break agenda: my follow-up MRI. We'll finally find out if this thing in my brain is a vascular malformation or a brain tumor.
think of me

I got into Hull! [08 Feb 2006|01:29pm]
I received the following email this morning:

I am pleased to confirm that your application has been
successful and a conditional offer letter will be posted to you today.
The offer is conditional upon you acheiving a degree equivalent to a
second class honours degree. This offer letter has been posted to your
correspondence address.

I got into Hull! I was accepted into graduate school!

...although I need to figure out the American equivalent of the British second class honours degree. So far I have been unsuccessful. Does anyone know anything on this subject?
7 revelations| think of me

[01 Feb 2006|03:35pm]
Unfortunately you have been unsuccessful in your application for your first choice course. A letter has been posted to you. The competition for places at LSE is severe and inevitably many well qualified applicants cannot be accepted. This decision is final, and no further comment can be made.

The only one left is Hull.

...I mean, really. LSE said it would take about two months. They made this decision in TWO WEEKS. How's THAT for a confidence drainer?
1 revelation| think of me

[15 Jan 2006|10:33pm]
I'm really worried about my eyes.

Before Christmas, I got a new prescription, and subsequently, new lenses. Now, I understand that it takes a while to get used to lenses, but it's been too long.

My left eye is blurry. This could be due to the fact that the lens is off. But it's getting blurrier.

My eyes hurt. They burn, like when you're sick. I'm finding it hard to focus--both eyes. It feels like a film is constantly over my eyes--like when you cry a bit after you yawn.

(By the by--I'm not talking about contact lenses. I'm talking about actual glasses).

To people on my friends list with less-than-perfect natural vision--should I be worried at all?
4 revelations| think of me

Huzzah. [13 Jan 2006|11:06pm]
I have sent in applications to both Hull University and the London School of Economics. It is now out of my hands.

And now I play the waiting game.

Celebrating with Katamari Damacy and a vodka tonic with one of my roommates and my best friend in Bloomington? You betcha.
1 revelation| think of me

[05 Jan 2006|03:26pm]
I have been given access to the psychology grading database thanks to my position as an assistant instructor this upcoming semester.

I now control the fates of 95 students.

...I feel so deliciously evil.
5 revelations| think of me

[19 Dec 2005|06:03pm]
I'm feeling fairly worthless right now.

I have an admissions essay to write for the London School of Economics. Optimally, I should have written it about a month ago. I haven't been able to write it. It's not a research proposal, or anything like that. It's simply a personal statement. Why do I want to attend the school? Why do I like I/O psychology? What do I plan to do after obtaining this degree? Basically, I have to sell myself to the school.

I can't write this essay. I've tried, so many times. Anything I write is just...horrible.

I don't know how to paint myself onto a pedestal. I don't know how to make myself look fantastic in front of admissions people that I will never meet, even if I do get into the school. I just...don't know how to do this. I've never really had a problem with writing essays before, and I really shouldn't be having a problem with this one. But I am with this one.

I can't tell them why I'm interested in the subject because I just don't know. I can't tell them what I want to do with the degree because I'm not entirely sure. But graduate schools want decisive students, and I'm obviously not decisive right now.

So, then. Am I up the creek? Because this essay needs to get done...and I've been staring at a blank Word document for quite a while.

And I'm running out of time.
3 revelations| think of me

[10 Dec 2005|05:40pm]
Ask me how my night was last night.

More specifically, ask me if I got lucky.

On a related note, stubble doesn't chafe bare skin as much as I had thought.
5 revelations| think of me

I should be in bed. [06 Dec 2005|03:19am]
But this mouse is the reason I'm awake at 3:30 in the morning.

Its name is Catnip. I let it go back into the wild, but if it comes back....no promises.

...little fucker.

Picture behind cutCollapse )
5 revelations| think of me

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